(no subject)

Wed, Jul. 29th, 2015 09:52 am

The story so far...

Wed, Jul. 29th, 2015 09:38 am
telophase: (Default)
[personal profile] telophase
Wacom Cintiq Companion 2 update:

Story so far--I ordered a high-end tablet thing from Wacom at the end of June, and heard nothing. My account on wacom.com showed no order history, even though I had the emailed order confirmation. I finally emailed them and inquired as to this last week, at which point they informed me it had already been shipped, two days after I ordered it, to somewhere in Orlando. I got on the phone, stat, and after investigating in their system, the rep on the phone said she had to talk to the shipping department and would call me back.
Did she call me back? )

(no subject)

Wed, Jul. 29th, 2015 09:05 am
the_rck: figure perched in a tree with barren branches (Default)
[personal profile] the_rck
The kids made brownies yesterday. Even with the air conditioner running, it was pretty warm in here. I was sweating enough that I itched all over. This isn't usual, even for summer.

Of course, I think a big part of the problem is that our dehumidifier died back in May. Scott keeps saying he's going to fix it, but I don't actually expect he'll ever get to it. I think he's completely forgotten that it isn't operating. By the time he gets home from work, 82F+ feels cool to him because he's spent his day in 100F+ with much higher humidity than what we have in here.

I'm of the opinion that, as the dehumidifier is twenty years old, we might want to look at getting something newer. I would be surprised if the state of the art for such things hasn't changed in two decades, and it's not as if we haven't gotten our money's worth out of the old one.

Cutting those two blogs from the Metanews Feedly list actually did help. There's one other site that I chose to skip this week and that I may end up cutting because it's a PITA. I don't know, though. I do still have some links I could add to this week's post. The other mod is due to post this week and has said that she won't do it until tomorrow due to family obligations. That means there's still time to put stuff in. I've got about twenty LJ links that could go in this week but don't have to.

I woke this morning with a headache. So far, nothing has helped. I haven't tried Amerge yet, though, so maybe that will work. I tend to leave that to try last since it's so expensive.

Scott had to give our guests a ride home last night as their mother has a learner's permit and couldn't pick them up because she didn't have a licensed driver to ride with her. Today, because we're expecting thunderstorms, the kids' father dropped them off and will pick them up after work. They only have one car, so he's been leaving it with his wife and taking the bus to work. (My impression is that both parents prefer taking the bus to work when it's an option.)

I wish I knew something I could do to help Scott get better sleep. He only has time each night for about six hours of sleep, but he keeps waking up an hour to an hour and a half early and finding himself completely unable to go back to sleep. He's exhausted pretty much all of the time.

The kids walked to the book store yesterday afternoon, and Cordelia bought books 2 and 3 of The Hunger Games series. She's read them already, but she wanted to own them. The kids bickered about whether or not to go for about an hour with both girls pressuring the boy to go and him adamantly stating that he would not. When I asked them to give it a rest, Cordelia got snippy, telling me that, if I didn't like it, I should just go away. I'm not sure why Cordelia and her friend thought it so important that all three of them go.

Another quick hit on emotional labour

Wed, Jul. 29th, 2015 01:57 pm
kaberett: a patch of sunlight on the carpet, shaped like a slightly wonky heart (light hearted)
[personal profile] kaberett
These are ones I'd already internalised as true so didn't excerpt last time around, but probably bear repeating anyway.

From the author of the sparking article:
The switch from men's default "I will if you ask me" to "I will if you don't ask me not to" is simple but really powerful in terms of where it sites the responsibility.

This is already someting I do in set-ups where I'm in a caring role (because I know that accepting help can be very difficult, whereas not refusing it is easier -- setting up a default course of action is to some extent a way of handling people, but what that also means is facilitation, so). It has always been a genuine surprise and delight when people have spotted that me doing this works for them and have reciprocated it.

And, as linked to [personal profile] sebastienne, the idea that keeping track of what needs doing is significant emotional labour in itself:
Another puzzle piece: was thinking about religious life. Convents, monasteries. We think of these things as big sacrifices, but in fact, they are places designed to dial the emotional labor burden way, way down. You are removed from regular family and social life. You don't have to stress about the cleanliness and conditon and chores around the places, because all of these things are taken care of in a fair and equitable rotation of tasks - when it's your turn to do the dishes, you do the dishes, but on the other days, you blissfully ignore the dishes. Life is so regulated and organized that you really can be mentally and emotionally free to concentrate on the tasks you are there to do - whether it's contemplation, human services, or whatever. This wasn't a stupid organization of life. Religious orders recognized that emotional labor had to be wrestled to the ground before anyone stood 5 minutes' chance of being able to devote attention to anything else.

I also think this is what drew me to life in summer camps and residential education settings for many years: a similar level of organization of chores, and an equitable sharing. Men and women alike did their duties when it was their turn, and were penalized for shirking. Both the emotional and the menial labor were sorted - labor was never a negotiation; you never had a long-running standoff as to who was going to take out trash or scrub the pots: it was all written there right on a rotation chart. This did more to create gender equality than any number of manifestos or heartfelt discussions. A basic rota. A recognition that everyone needed to contribute equally to the boring work of daily life. The beauty of it: when you're on, you're on: you do the work outlined in the rota. When you're off, you devote not a second's thought to the condition of the kitchen or the bathrooms or the trash. It's a big old SEP until it's your turn in the rota again.


This gets discussed elsethread in terms of being The Knower Of The Things, and division between Knowing and Doing; the idea of the Deal Token comes up too, of "I am responsible for making sure this thing Gets Done; I can delegate every single task comprising the Thing but I am responsible for tracking that everything that needs to happen for the Thing to get done happens", which is pretty much how I run committees when I'm on them. (There's something related, about how similar skills in men and women get designated "leadership" and "teamwork" respectively - women doing emotional labour is consistently devalued, because the hard work of knowing how your team's doing in detail and who might need a break and so on is fundamentally exactly the same thing as keeping track of which of the kids have activities this afternoon and when their homework's due, and that shit isn't important. I have a lot of bitter feelings about parenting related to all of this, okay, because - yeah - so much of it is about who, and what, matters.)

And finally: on tumblr there's a discussion of why tumblr's fantasy man is like he is, and over on AskMe people are working out an emotional labour checklist for self-assessment.

[meds log] yes good.

Wed, Jul. 29th, 2015 12:41 pm
kaberett: A drawing of a black woman holding her right hand, minus a ring finger, in front of her face. "Oh, that. I cut it  off." (molly - cut it off)
[personal profile] kaberett
Counsellor yesterday asked if next week's session could be a little later than usual, at 2 instead of noon, and I said sure and then belatedly realised that I was due to see my GP at 2.20, and then at 1am I was very good and logged into the online system and discovered that his only other appointment between now and when he goes on holiday was 11.20 today, so I booked that. (A moment of amusement: I went to see David at the local IAPT place yesterday, rather than at my GP surgery where he works one day a week. When he's there he's in rather more of a managerial role, and, well, that is the first time I've ever seen him wearing a three-piece suit, let us put it that way. The instant we got into the room for therapy he took off the jacket and rolled his shirtsleeves up...)

Read more... )

Lyria speaks

Wed, Jul. 29th, 2015 01:40 am
fayanora: black (black)
[personal profile] fayanora
I was thinking about Voldemort earlier today, and about his ethics or lack thereof, because this one fanfic I'm reading has a version of him that is far more ethical than the canon one, and at one point I got to wondering what my character Lyria Spellspinner thought of Voldemort, and she popped up and answered me. This is her answer (I am giving her the reigns to type it now):

Voldemort is a fool. While I don't approve of killing children, and thus find it amusing that his attempt to kill an infant turned him into a powerless wraith, he made a fatal mistake in the fourth book, one which I believe might have been out of character for him, given other things we know about him. His mistake was letting Harry have his wand. Why did he not simply kill Harry while Harry was still tied up? Yes, he was supposedly repairing his reputation among his inner circle, but frankly, that was unnecessary. Someone whose name still inspires fear 13 years after his downfall and disappearance does not need to bolster his reputation.

Voldemort strikes me, in all the rest of the series, as being someone who does not hesitate to blast obstacles out of his way. He already knew he could not convert Harry, so why did he not kill Harry when the boy was helpless? Voldemort is arrogant to such a degree that he is unlikely to have been cautious with Harry before the wands connected during that scene.

It would be interesting to read a fan fiction AU where Voldemort did not hesitate to kill the prone Harry. Or hesitated just long enough to show his Death Eaters the act in person. Obviously, it would have caused him to pass out when he killed the horcrux inside Harry, but what beyond that? I suppose Dumbledore's plans might change, once he realized Harry was no longer a horcrux; Harry would no longer need to die, because it would have happened already. He would no longer have the connection into Voldemort's mind. Voldemort would still be wary of Harry, would still be obsessed. It would be interesting, to say the least.

Door diagnosis, at last!

Wed, Jul. 29th, 2015 12:34 am
azurelunatic: Stone relief of Enki creating rivers. "Wank me a RIVER" (Enki)
[personal profile] azurelunatic
Purple did not in fact go skydiving as he'd thought he might over the weekend, because it was one of those "weather permitting" activities. The weather did not in fact permit.

By the time I got through the lines with my lunch, the little table that Purple and the guys were at outside was crammed with about 8 guys (it is a 4 person table). CTY memories aside, that didn't seem like it would be pleasant, so I opted for inside with Mr. Tux and his officemate.

The guy from the internal department responsible for my little database said he'd likely be able to have a .csv pack of my tables to me either Monday or Tuesday. Unfortunately, the host on which the new thing's VM is located, was the one that managed to die over the weekend.

The bbq station's thing was a roast half-chicken. I'd declined to try it, since chicken meat on the bone is not a thing I do (mainly texture aversion, with a side of fear of even slightly raw chicken). I was lucky in this case -- while the internals had slow-cooked very nicely, the skin had not rendered and Purple said it was revolting.

I caught the big door by my cube doing the thing where it locks open again. I called security so the latest guy could see it in action. He came over, and by that time it was no longer doing the thing. I indicated which one it was, and he called it in. As he was heading off, it started doing it again for no reason. I called him back. "It's doing it again!"

"Call Cesar," said the guy with the ladder from over where he was doing something unspecified to a fluorescent light fixture. Apparently this is the sign of a particular part in the door going bad, you could see right up there at the top where it was not doing something or other. I was very glad that I'd happened to say something about this in his presence, because otherwise we would have spent another six months going around on it.

I dropped some chocolate on the desk of the community manager type who had been namechecked so memorably in the comment thread referenced in Friday's all-hands. I reckoned he deserved it.

Purple's brain ran out of space early. I was amenable to wandering home early, so that's what I did as well. We stood in the parking lot a while, letting our cars cool off with doors open. Purple doesn't actually hate shoe shopping more than I do, it's just that it's hard for him to find shoes that actually fit comfortably.

Leaving early meant time and brain to do the potroast I'd got over the weekend (no particular feat for a regular cook, as it was Costco precooked, which meant microwave and leftovers, but that's the state of my brain vs. cooking these days) and to catch up on Friday's recap.

My calendar reminded me of the date, and I observed the last Tuesday in July quietly, telling [personal profile] silveradept the story.

I woke up before my alarm today (Tuesday), and meandered in happily. Today's bbq offering was pulled pork sandwiches, albeit somewhat more chopped than pulled. I mixed the peach and the firefighter-hot sauces, and got a very pleasing combination.

The problem with the host is the motherboard. I got the .csv files, though, so that's good.

My task now after the helldesk software meeting on Friday is to spread the good word that no, the team in charge of fixing the thing appears to hate the terrible front end more than I do. I shared this at my 1:1; that cheered my manager, especially when I explained the part where the fancy expert just dropped his pen and stared at us. Also, I am treating the need to express myself in the tickets about the thing without swearing as a writing exercise, with creative results. Also, I added cheerfully, it's amazing what you can slip under the radar with references to Sumerian gods. There are not many people who know what's in Sweet Enki's Pitcher...

It was good for both of us that my manager was not drinking anything at this juncture, as she would have sprayed both of us. Apparently she has at least some small familiarity with Sumerian mythology.

When I wandered past the cube of the Namechecked Community Manager, he was in. I introduced myself. He correctly identified me as the source of unexpected chocolate. I thanked him for his service in the Trenches of Upset Users. The worst part, we agreed, is when the users are upset for good reason and we can't just magically make their legitimate beefs better. We both have the Pebble, also. I never got used to a touchscreen, so I'm not feeling the lack, but he is.

Purple called time at a reasonable hour, so we wandered out to the parking lot as the sun was disappearing behind one of the buildings. A hawk-shaped something flew across the parking lot, and smaller birds scattered as it found a redwood to perch in. Purple recounted an interesting little comedy of manners involving a murder of crows and a line of redwoods: each tree was topped by a crow, with two somewhat disgruntled-looking crows flanking it lower in the tree.

A second hawk flew across the parking lot and landed in another tree. It started calling, its cries rising in pitch to what both of us thought was some sort of distress. The first hawk looked in its direction, but made no move to go any closer.

Purple has a weakness for good black cherry soda, but doesn't much care for orange, despite his love for orange juice.

Paging through some hawk sounds, it sounded rather like juvenile squeals #2: https://www.audubon.org/field-guide/bird/red-tailed-hawk

Dream two of two

Wed, Jul. 29th, 2015 12:44 am
fayanora: Djyahlah (Djyahlah)
[personal profile] fayanora
The second dream I had last night was beautiful and haunting, and I wrote a poem about it:

“If Only”
By = Tempest Alexandria Arts

Last night, as I lay sleeping,
A dream came over me.
I, a man, dead,
From Heaven watched my wife,
As she lay dying.
Nothing I could do to help.

In one last feat of strength,
She stood, walked out into a massive field of grass,
In the dark of night, just the faintest glow from the moon,
As a simple yet haunting violin tune played,
She went for one last midnight stroll.
Across the vast and grassy ocean,
Up a hill grown steeper and steeper,
Climbing with unusual strength,
Grabbing roots and stones and weeds to pull herself up,
And came at last to a red wooden fence.

She climbed the fence, and looked beyond.
Her eyes fell upon the mansion on the hilltop,
Wonder in her eyes. Longing. Pain.
As though she'd seen Heaven itself.
Her goal achieved at last, she clutched her heart with grass-stained hands,
And fell backwards into the grass, to her death.

And as the mournful violin played,
Her eyes up towards the sky,
It felt like none of this would have happened,
Like both of us would be alive and well,
If the last house she saw had been ours.

~

I even remember the tune that the violin was playing, and recorded it on my phone.
azurelunatic: Warning sign: "If there's a huge fuck-up call Todd"; (huge fuck-up)
[personal profile] azurelunatic
I read Tess of the d'Urbervilles on Sunday.

I offer the following content notes:

Animal harm, relationship coercion, acquaintance rape, coerced birth, era-typical child death, religious guilt (Christian), patriarchal fuckery, marital cruelty, attempted murder, abandonment, religious evangelism (Christian), religious coercion, rampant hypocrisy, familial coercion, coercion by means of family, actual murder, execution. Plus a side dish of substance abuse and attempted suicide.

Tess needs, in this order:
* A comprehensive and livable benefits and employment assistance program
* Gap insurance for horses
* Healthcare for her dad
* A taser
* Public transportation
* A working knowledge of what date rape is Read more... )
* Plan B and a rape kit
* Legal aid
* Benefits for her family
* Substance abuse care for her dad
* A boyfriend who understands that a dirty weekend with a sex worker is not the same as rape
* No-fault divorce
* A large shipping box with an angry swan (as f_fa recommends)
* A job with modern safety and care standards
* Societal acceptance of atheism, paganism, and agnosticism
* A restraining order against Cousin Daterape
* A lawyer who has successfully defended self-defense vs. Mr. What Do You Mean, Restraining Order? manslaughter cases
* A younger sister who looks nothing like her

Dream one of two

Wed, Jul. 29th, 2015 12:12 am
fayanora: Djao'Kain (Djao'Kain)
[personal profile] fayanora
Had a dream last night where this woman was hitting her transgender little girl, no older than 5. I stepped in and protected the crying child, grabbing the woman's arm. She began to cry, and it came to light that she thought being transgender was a choice, that she had to hit the girl to change her mind before it was “too late.” So I told her the truth: it's not a choice. That it was a feeling, from deep within your very soul, that the identity you'd been assigned was wrong, that she'd fought with those feelings for years, unable to understand them or articulate them until recently, and even now didn't have the words to articulate her feelings as clearly as I was articulating them now. I sensed the girl stop crying and nod, agreeing with my words.

And I thought that was just so powerful and true, I had to share it.

That MeFi Thing - Emotional Labor

Tue, Jul. 28th, 2015 10:09 pm
elf: Rainbow sparkly fairy (Rainbow Fairy)
[personal profile] elf
I am reading Where's My Cut: On Unpaid Emotional Labor on metafilter. I read the article at The Toast ("Housework is not work. Sex work is not work. Emotional work is not work. Why? Because they don’t take effort? No, because women are supposed to provide them uncompensated, out of the goodness of our hearts.") that inspired the thread, which is also good, but is a single article... the MeFi thread is over 250k words long, and it's AMAZING. Life-changing stuff in there.

I wish [livejournal.com profile] ozarque were around to see it. I think she would be overjoyed to read that discussion, to see the terminology women have come up with for the burdens they are expected to bear, to read their sharing of experiences and support of each others' pains.

I'm debating how to best throw the link at my husband... do I say "Read this; your future happiness depends on understanding this conversation?" (Mine does not depend on him reading it. But my willingness to do both the wage-earning and social management just dropped from "low" to "abysmal.") Do I say, "Read this; I'd like to talk with you about emotional labor... set aside time for that; you know my schedule?" Do I say, "found this awesome article about feminism and relationships and I'd like you to read it?" Do I throw in warnings--"please, don't bother regaling me with examples of the Awful Dudes You Are Not Like; I know you are not them; note how many of them I married?"

The conversation includes: inside because I cannot stop finding the awesome )

(no subject)

Tue, Jul. 28th, 2015 08:18 pm
staranise: A blue butterfly on a black background, faintly backlit. ([personal] A certain shape of light)
[personal profile] staranise
I've been reading and thinking more about the emotional labour thing, and it's driven home to me what a change in my functioning I've undergone in the past 9-18 months. Like this blog: so much about the way I blogged was about forming and maintaining community and relationships. Write things that invited comment, engage with discussion, read other peoples' journals, keep tabs on what they're doing, host memes, swap messages, signalboost, post attns... And it's not my feelings about other people that have necessarily changed, but my willingness to exert myself and do that labour, my ability to sit still and focus on it, and my feeling that the work is rewarding and relaxing.

In that vein I've booked an appointment with a counsellor who offers a sliding scale in hopes I can start an extended therapeutic work, since I'm far enough past the wreck of my childhood that actually going into it in hopes of doing phase 2 of trauma work instead of phase 1. I dwell a lot these days on the friendship explosions of recent years that punched holes in the work I've been doing over the last decade to correct course from my adolescent conclusion that I just don't get friends and am an awful person (is that a sentence that even makes sense to someone who isn't me and therefore doesn't constantly dwell on my internal chronology?).

I'm kind of glad I didn't know when I was a teenager that recovery is a spiral and I'd end up revisiting the same issues again as an adult and it would suck almost as much and I'd struggle just as much to maintain friendships and creative work.

Which: I'm a total slug these days. It's wholly possible for me to sleep and fritter entire days away, remembering only occasionally to eat, and accomplish nothing even when I had plans. It's reached the point where my mom has intervened and started giving me task lists for the day (today I had to paint the front doorframe and windowframe and call my doctor and counsellor; tomorrow I have to call my doctor and actually get her receptionist on the phone, touch up the paint/take down the paint tape, and write a cover letter) and sometimes taking my electronics away for the night (with my permission; it's an executive dysfunction thing, because if my computer had been in my apartment last night when I woke up at 3am with my brain going a million miles an hour I would have gone on it and consequently slept no more that night.)

Mom also got me to draw up a vision board because "it's like you've lost hope that things can get better", a sentiment with which I agreed. I can't pull myself out of this pit on my own. So I'm trying to let people help me.

(Which, shit, reminds me I need to ask for money again. /o\ I think I need to figure out how much I need and how I'm going to communicate information about it, which will take a day or two, before I actually ask.)

duck in, duck out

Tue, Jul. 28th, 2015 10:00 pm
ghost_lingering: Minus prepares to hit the meteor out of the park (today I saved the world)
[personal profile] ghost_lingering
Orphan Black, season three )

Other things watched:

Pitch Perfect 2: I think I might actually like the second film better than the first.

Jurassic World: I loved two things about Jurassic World, and I loved them very very much. 1) the glimpses we get to see at the logistical running of the park and 2) all the references to Jurassic Park. Also, my love of pterodactyls cannot be understated.

However it's not a great film. Jurassic Park is better and, depressingly, better at gender for a slew of reasons I don't have the patience to explicate. Jurassic Park wasn't the pinnacle of gender parity, but, in comparison, I think it tracks well; Jurassic World at least isn't overtly the worst ever — it's on par with what I'd expect, its flaws more noticable because of my love of Jurassic Park & having watched Jurassic World shortly after seeing Mad Max: Fury Road.

Sharknado 3: the set of the White House had glaring inaccuracies, but at least Nova was back? If only the movies were just her and Skye.

Randomly:

I've made Serious Eat's Vegan Chocolate Coconut Ice Cream now for three groups of people and everyone's reaction is: if you hadn't told me that was vegan I never would have known. I am never making chocolate ice cream with dairy again.

Anyway, I'm in social media hibernating mode right now, so I haven't been around. Summer, work, just needing a fandom reset.
ysabetwordsmith: Cartoon of me in Wordsmith persona (Default)
[personal profile] ysabetwordsmith
Thanks to a donation from Anthony & Shirley Barrette, "The Injury That Provokes It" is now complete.  Find out some of the natural consequences  that come from Andy being a dick.
fayanora: Elle Fanning by LJ user bitemeee (Elle Fanning)
[personal profile] fayanora
Had a dream last night I found $41 cash on the ground, bunch of lost jewelry, an expensive wrist watch, & foreign currency.

Native American Superheroes

Tue, Jul. 28th, 2015 05:33 pm
ysabetwordsmith: Cartoon of me in Wordsmith persona (Default)
[personal profile] ysabetwordsmith
Marvel is picking up Red Wolf again.  It's representation, but far from ideal.  I've listed my Native American superheroes here.

[exalted: tds] the end of an era

Tue, Jul. 28th, 2015 10:41 am
yaysunshine: (fly away)
[personal profile] yaysunshine
because [personal profile] lassarina did a cool retrospective about her character and also I have a lot of thoughts and feelings

let me TELL YOU ABOUT MY CHARACTER )

Excerpts: emotional labour

Tue, Jul. 28th, 2015 06:12 pm
kaberett: Clyde the tortoise from Elementary, crawling across a map, with a red tape cross on his back. (elementary-emergency-clyde)
[personal profile] kaberett
So. That MetaFilter thread on emotional labour (currently at a whisker over 1500 comments, and I've read all of them). It's kind of an overwhelming job and I've spent most of the past few days reading it; ergo I am taking it upon myself to excerpt for you the comments I particularly adored against the eventuality that you don't actually feel up to reading the whole thing.

On describing this kind of discussion as "venting", and the dismissiveness thereof:
I think the thing that irks me about calling it venting is the implication that it won't change anything, which tacitly states that nothing NEEDS changing. Steam just builds up and needs to be let it off the system every now and then, nothing to see here.


+6 )

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