Title: More Barnabas Collins than Nick Knight Fandom: Community Rating: G Characters: Abed + ensemble Gen
Note: I'm using the show's characterization of Abed (described in canon, snarkily, as having Asperger's; described in creator meta as unlabeled/undiagnosed). The Internet AS response I've seen to the portrayal is mixed leaning positive, so I'm trusting it for now. But please tell me if I fail, whether in my own characterizations or in trusting the show.
"That's a girl movie," Troy said, slamming his books down on the library table. "I am not seeing any girl movie with you."
Abed cocked his head. "We watched High School Musical three times in my room."
"Shhhhh!" Troy looked frantically around, but nobody was in earshot. Annie and Jeff were flirting outside the window, Shirley was slapping Pierce across the face over by the bookshelves, and Britta wasn't there yet. "That's different." Sometimes he had to explain these really obvious things to Abed. "First of all, that was in your room, not at the theater, so nobody saw. And secondly, Corbin Bleu is a fantastic dancer."
"Hmm." Abed looked thoughtful. "So if there was dancing you would come with me? Is this a Patrick Swayze thing?"
"No!"
Shirley, flushed with smug indignation, slid into her seat. "Is Abed asking if he can borrow your weeble collection again?"
"Troy won't come to see Eclipse with me because it's a girl movie without any dancing," said Abed.
"I won't go to see Eclipse with you because it's a girl movie, period!"
Shirley smiled. "Ooh, I like that Taylor Lautner. He has a sweet smile." She dimpled, with a faraway look in her eyes.
Suddenly Annie was there, with the indignant expression she got when she learned that Jeff was reading the Spark Notes for The Old Man And the Sea. "Team Edward, Shirley!"
Shirley harumphed. "If my boys behaved that way I'd give them a hiding. But the werewolves are very nice."
"You mean you like their shirtless abs," sneered Jeff.
"Edward is totally right for Bella!" insisted Annie. "And you can't hold vampires responsible for not following human social mores."
"Actually," said Abed, "many fictional vampires have an obsession with trying to understand and follow human social structures. The essential conflict between Lestat and Louis is about which aspects of human morality and social hierarchy apply when you're a vampire. Stefan and Damon Salvatore are modern reworking of that classic trope. Angel wants to live like a human but also wants to lurk around in alleys like a Batman look-alike. The entire Überwald League of Temperance is about vampires learning to assimilate to the human world. And since most vampires want to date humans, they all need to learn enough about mortal society to pass. Look at Alexander Sterling of the Vampire Kisses books." He paused. "I guess Bunnicula doesn't try to assimilate."
There was silence. Finally, Annie said in a small voice, "You read the Vampire Kisses books?"
"I ship Alexander/Trevor," said Abed.
"Oh my god, aren't they perfect together?" squealed Annie.
"See, you're proving my point," said Troy. "Totally for girls."
"Yep," said Abed.
"Good. Then tonight we're watching Kickpuncher XII: The Return of Neckfoot?"
Abed looked quizzically at Troy. "You can if you want. I'm going to Eclipse."
"I know why you're talking about that movie," called Britta as she entered. "You think I'm going to complain about its misogyny like I did with the first two. But I don't need to! I'm above all that!"
They all ignored her.
"Abed, my friend," said Troy. He put a hand on Abed's arm. Abed looked down at the hand, up at Troy, back down at the hand, and back up at Troy. Troy pulled back his hand. "Girl movie."
"Did you know that Eclipse set the record for the biggest midnight opening in box office history?" asked Abed.
"That's nice," said Shirley, absently. She was drawing something that looked suspiciously like Taylor Lautner's abs on her Spanish homework.
"What's that got to do with anything?" asked Troy.
"Before Eclipse, the record for the biggest midnight opening was held by New Moon," Abed continued. "The movie was released in a record-breaking 4,416 theaters. It took in a record $68,533,840 for a mid-weak opening. There were 97,905 admissions in the Netherlands."
He paused.
"Girl movie," he said significantly.
Troy still looked blank.
"95.7% of tickets to the film are purchased by women and girls."
Troy still looked blank.
"Oh, for heaven's sake," said Jeff. "He's going to the stupid vampire movie to pick up chicks."
"Ohhhhh," said Troy. His face cleared.
Abed looked at Jeff. "I thought I said that."
"Abed," said Troy. He looked like he wanted to throw an arm around Abed, but he refrained. "Have we got a date for tonight."
Community: Abed + ensemble, Gen
Fandom: Community
Rating: G
Characters: Abed + ensemble
Gen
Note: I'm using the show's characterization of Abed (described in canon, snarkily, as having Asperger's; described in creator meta as unlabeled/undiagnosed). The Internet AS response I've seen to the portrayal is mixed leaning positive, so I'm trusting it for now. But please tell me if I fail, whether in my own characterizations or in trusting the show.
"That's a girl movie," Troy said, slamming his books down on the library table. "I am not seeing any girl movie with you."
Abed cocked his head. "We watched High School Musical three times in my room."
"Shhhhh!" Troy looked frantically around, but nobody was in earshot. Annie and Jeff were flirting outside the window, Shirley was slapping Pierce across the face over by the bookshelves, and Britta wasn't there yet. "That's different." Sometimes he had to explain these really obvious things to Abed. "First of all, that was in your room, not at the theater, so nobody saw. And secondly, Corbin Bleu is a fantastic dancer."
"Hmm." Abed looked thoughtful. "So if there was dancing you would come with me? Is this a Patrick Swayze thing?"
"No!"
Shirley, flushed with smug indignation, slid into her seat. "Is Abed asking if he can borrow your weeble collection again?"
"Troy won't come to see Eclipse with me because it's a girl movie without any dancing," said Abed.
"I won't go to see Eclipse with you because it's a girl movie, period!"
Shirley smiled. "Ooh, I like that Taylor Lautner. He has a sweet smile." She dimpled, with a faraway look in her eyes.
Suddenly Annie was there, with the indignant expression she got when she learned that Jeff was reading the Spark Notes for The Old Man And the Sea. "Team Edward, Shirley!"
Shirley harumphed. "If my boys behaved that way I'd give them a hiding. But the werewolves are very nice."
"You mean you like their shirtless abs," sneered Jeff.
"Edward is totally right for Bella!" insisted Annie. "And you can't hold vampires responsible for not following human social mores."
"Actually," said Abed, "many fictional vampires have an obsession with trying to understand and follow human social structures. The essential conflict between Lestat and Louis is about which aspects of human morality and social hierarchy apply when you're a vampire. Stefan and Damon Salvatore are modern reworking of that classic trope. Angel wants to live like a human but also wants to lurk around in alleys like a Batman look-alike. The entire Überwald League of Temperance is about vampires learning to assimilate to the human world. And since most vampires want to date humans, they all need to learn enough about mortal society to pass. Look at Alexander Sterling of the Vampire Kisses books." He paused. "I guess Bunnicula doesn't try to assimilate."
There was silence. Finally, Annie said in a small voice, "You read the Vampire Kisses books?"
"I ship Alexander/Trevor," said Abed.
"Oh my god, aren't they perfect together?" squealed Annie.
"See, you're proving my point," said Troy. "Totally for girls."
"Yep," said Abed.
"Good. Then tonight we're watching Kickpuncher XII: The Return of Neckfoot?"
Abed looked quizzically at Troy. "You can if you want. I'm going to Eclipse."
"I know why you're talking about that movie," called Britta as she entered. "You think I'm going to complain about its misogyny like I did with the first two. But I don't need to! I'm above all that!"
They all ignored her.
"Abed, my friend," said Troy. He put a hand on Abed's arm. Abed looked down at the hand, up at Troy, back down at the hand, and back up at Troy. Troy pulled back his hand. "Girl movie."
"Did you know that Eclipse set the record for the biggest midnight opening in box office history?" asked Abed.
"That's nice," said Shirley, absently. She was drawing something that looked suspiciously like Taylor Lautner's abs on her Spanish homework.
"What's that got to do with anything?" asked Troy.
"Before Eclipse, the record for the biggest midnight opening was held by New Moon," Abed continued. "The movie was released in a record-breaking 4,416 theaters. It took in a record $68,533,840 for a mid-weak opening. There were 97,905 admissions in the Netherlands."
He paused.
"Girl movie," he said significantly.
Troy still looked blank.
"95.7% of tickets to the film are purchased by women and girls."
Troy still looked blank.
"Oh, for heaven's sake," said Jeff. "He's going to the stupid vampire movie to pick up chicks."
"Ohhhhh," said Troy. His face cleared.
Abed looked at Jeff. "I thought I said that."
"Abed," said Troy. He looked like he wanted to throw an arm around Abed, but he refrained. "Have we got a date for tonight."